('Afonja' walks in, exhausted and gasping for breath; within a twinkle, we strolled down the expansive Pension Mansion and the following conversations ensued between the two of us)

Me: Where have you been all my life? Didn't I warn you not to be sneaking around town again?

Afonja: Sneak around my own town; my birth place? What exactly do you take me for? Some old horse that ran cowardly to Jos after they tried to snuff life out of him? Come off  that, man, ko sewu loko longe.

Me: (smile gently); Please try to understand the fierce urgency of now. You know the pensioners can ambush us anytime? Can you imagine that they threatened to burn down this edifice, this heaven, one day? For God's sake, when has it become an offence to enjoy one's pension benefit after eight years and, still counting, of strenuous public service?

Afonja: So, what can I do about that? Go incommunicado because of some ragtag pensioners? Is it my fault that they didn't get their gratuities? Don't mind them jare, they are just jealous of your shrewdness.

Me: So, where have you been? K-Hotels, Museum or Henry G?

Afonja: None of the above man; I went to the palace?

Me: The palace; to do what?

Afonja: Just to pay homage. You know Jaja is a little indisposed? He's been in and out of clinic for some times now.

Me: Oh yeah, indisposed ko, indisposable ni. In and out of the clinic, yet he acquires property around town with reckless abandon.

Afonja: (frowns), bros, the last thing I want to tolerate here is an insult or curse to the Jaja of Opoboland, the son of the great conquerors?

Me: (loud laughter). What an irony……. Who did Jaja's forefathers conquer? ..You've got to grow up brother and stop being a slave in your own land.

Afonja: That's enough! You this filthy, rude, spoilt brat! Pun intended! You are such an ingrate! So, you had the temerity to insult a man that ran errand for you and your dad for eight good years! …., just for you to weather the stormy and murky waters of a terrain you neither knew nor gave a hoot about until you were brought from nowhere and imposed on the great people of Opoboland.

Me: Abah! Bros, why are you crying more than the bereaved? For your own information, I have as much proprietary claim on the Jaja as you, if not more? So, what's this entire hullabaloo about? In fact, I have taken full charge now. So, like my dad, I'm calling the shot now around and about the Jaja palace!

Afonja: Really?

Me: Oh, yeah! Believe it or not.

Afonja: How could that be? Isn't there honour among rapacious elements again?

Me: Sidon there dey look while I run things. When you finished your grammar session, lemme know.

Afonja: Tell me something. How possible?

Me: You want to know?

Afonja: Yes, I'm all ears.

Me: Did you know that it's the Jaja that is helping me prevail over LAK to stop chasing me about with his hopeless court case?

Afonja: Who is LAK?

Me: LAK the historian; the President of the Konigbo Konigba republic (winks)

Afonja: I seeeeeeeee! Little wonder……

Me: What?

Afonja: I was going to tell you that I met LAK at the palace. In fact, it was because of his long, close-door session with the Jaja that I was late in returning home. For more than five hours, they were there, arguing and hissing.

Me: He dared argued with the Jaja? What impudence! How feasible?

Afonja: Are you kidding me? Have you forgotten how you just qualified him now? Konigbo, Konigba! So, how did you expect him to give in so easily to pressure from any quarters?

Me: You mean even the Jaja could hardly talk him into dropping the case?

Afonja: What Jaja? You must be kidding me. How much of such pressure from your dad did he give into?

Me: My dad? You mean my dad too had a running battle with him?

Afonja: What did you know? Yet, you are so very arrogant that you carry about like the Lord of the Manor that knows all.

Me: Please come off the insult. Just answer my question!

Afonja: Well, LAK parted ways with your dad when your dad snatched an umbrella from him.

Me: Just an umbrella?

Afonja: Hmmm, that was no ordinary umbrella. It was a Red and Green umbrella that LAK and co. brought from the far north for shade.

Me: So, what's the big deal about that?

Afonja: Like father, like son. Can't you figure it? Your dad left LAK and co. in the cold, while he ran away with the umbrella!

Me: Is that why he is bitter? Just because of an umbrella? Then, let's give him back this… good-for-nothing umbrella if that will atone my family's sin. Boys, oyah, search everywhere, including the Great Hall, for this umbrella and let's give it back to the rightful owner.

Afonja: You will never change! Look at the way you are making a mockery of yourself. Just look at you. Look at how ridiculous and pathetic you sounded.

Me: So, what should I do? I don't even know about the goddam umbrella! Why should I suffer for the sin of my father? Why Afonja? I've never even touched this umbrella before.

Afonja: I can see you are still living in a fool's paradise. For claiming that you have never touched the umbrella before, it clearly shows that your illusion is of a legendary grandeur.

Me: What does that supposed to mean?

Afonja: Good question! Do you realize that it was with this umbrella that your dad shaded you and your sister for the eight years you both were in the saddle? Did you know that he actively deployed this legendary family umbrella to shield you from the SFU and the EFCC cold jaws? Did you know?

Me: Really?

Afonja: Well, deal with that!

Me: But how on earth can we return this umbrella? It must have gone tattered by now self. So, what's the point holding on to it anyway?

Afonja: As tattered as it might have become, it sha, doesn't legitimately belong to you? That's why the old man is fighting tooth and nail to have it back. And he is not gonna stop!

Me: Even with the Jaja's intervention? I thought he said it's only the Jaja and the old Army Major that we chased to Jos that could talk him into dropping the court case?

Afonja: Well, goodluck to you! With the Jaja, I doubt. Where lays the morality to talk LAK in?

Me: Can't he, at the snap of a finger, command any of his disciples?

Afonja: Disciples you say? Funny! That's in the past. We are now in the 21st century, where people don't sheepishly follow the monarch again.

Me: So, what are our chances?

Afonja: It's a no, no for the Jaja or even the Opoboland crumb catching marabouts that are usually at your becks and calls. But for the Army General, I'm not too sure.

Me: You mean we stand a chance with the self-exiled Jos man?

Afonja: Yes and No.

Me: What do you mean yes or no?

Afonja: Yes, because LAK has a great respect for the Jos man, but NO, because the Jos man is your nemesis.

Me: Nemesis, how?

Afonja: Don't you even have an iota of shame running through your vein? With what face would you approach the Jos man? With that of a Ninja Assassin or what?

Me: (long, deep thinking). So, what should we do?

Afonja: Cash, cool cash! Like others in his league, LAK might have a PRICE too! Let's stuff his residence with Ghana-Must-Go. Call his children, his wives and relatives and entice them with enough Naira notes to continue to put pressure on their stubborn dad.

Me: You mean that could work on him?

Afonja: Oh, am not too sure. But it is an enticing prposition. After all, it has been your usual opportunistic style.
Me: How do you mean?

Afonja:  You know he is said to be going through a bad time now; a recession? And you better act fast before your detractors ambush you.

Me: What's their business with that anyway?

Afonja: Oh, you wanna know? Perhaps you should be man enough to ask your sister who secretly visited him last week.

Me: What for?

Afonja: What for? To spite you of course! It's a matter of the 'enemy of my enemy is my friend'! The idea behind her auspicious visit to LAK is to give you enough sleepless night!

Me: Well, that isn't working, because I'm sleeping sound and good!

Afonjo: Better not my friend. It's not in your best interest to start sleeping now. It's judgment day my dear and your detractors are sure waiting in the wing for your D-Day.

Me: I don't give a fuck!

Afonja: I know you do, you are just being the pretender that you always are.

Me: Seriously, why this obsession about this LAK of a person?

Afonja: You know, he is the Last Man Standing. He is their silver lining, that's the reason for their obsession. If he falls for your cash, he goes down and they all lose hope for life! But if not, I mean if he overcomes our monetary temptation, then he becomes their hero for life, whether he wins in court or not.

Me: Now, I get your point! Please call Feity here immediately. Tell him to leave whatever he might be doing now, enter the state vault and get us the cash as usual!

Afonja: ( as I walked  out of the room, I said to myself in silence: would the “last man standing” give in? History stands in waiting for our dear revered historian.)