The Ag. Head of the Department of Mass Communication, University of Ilorin, Dr. (Mrs.) Saudat Abdulbaqi, has enjoined couples to establish a healthy communication technique in order to have healthy marriages.

Dr. Abdulbaqi, who is also the National President (Amirah) of The Criterion (Al-Furqan), a group of Muslim women in business and the professions, gave the advice in a lecture she delivered at a forum organised by The Criterion in Ilorin recently.

The don pointed out that the majority of failed marriages in our society today are due to poor communication, saying, "Husbands and wives should communicate. It is better to deal with problems early and honestly than to let them pile up until an explosion occurs."

She also advised, "Don't bring up past problems once they have been solved", noting that "if your spouse doesn't want to be with you all the time, it does not imply absence of love; he might want to be alone to think about his problems, read or just relax. Admit your mistakes, excuse your spouse's mistakes easily, and never go to bed angry with each other."

The Amirah observed that the "divorce rate among Muslims is on the increase because values are placed on physical appearance, materialistic mentality and affluence, over and above character, religious convictions and attitudes". She, however, maintained that "building a happy home has very little or nothing to do with the amount of money one has, physical beauty or the prestige of one's job. Rather, it has to do with one's commitment to Allah, one's willingness to follow the guidance of Allah, one's commitment to do righteousness even in difficult situations."

Dr. Abdulbaqi stressed the importance of humility, sacrifice, empathy, love, understanding, forgiveness and hard work. She said, "Complaining about your spouse's physical appearance can be a recipe for disaster. Many of us are more polite, kind and patient with others than our spouses. We vent the anger of our worst times like when we are tired or frustrated after a hard day or bad day at the office on our spouses rather than discussing and sharing this potential time-bomb."

Admitting that "there is no perfect relationship anywhere", the don urged couples to eat together as a family as much as possible, while enjoining them to desist from allowing selfishness to characterise their sexual relationship. According to her, "marriage is like a plant; you must always water it to keep it alive."